The Rolling Stones: Part 3

AKA Tramp Space Ship (Part 3 of 4)

The Rolling Stones: Part 2

AKA Tramp Space Ship (Part 2 of 4)

The Rolling Stones: Part 1

AKA Tramp Space Ship (Part 1 of 4)

Self-publishing perils

Thinking about self-publishing?  With e-books and publishing on demand, there's never been a better time to get around the gatekeepers of the big publishing houses, but it isn't all beer and skittles. If you're publishing your own work, you're responsible for all the artwork, editing, formatting and all the other grunt work that the publisher traditionally handles.

Look out for these signs of a badly done job of self-publishing.  If your book looks like this, you're in trouble.

Book-a-minute

Do you drink only Nescafe?  Eat only minute steak?  Prefer minute mysteries because two-minute mysteries are too long?   Then Book-a-Minute is for you. Here, for example, are the collected works of Isaac Asimov:

Stock Asimov Character #1 

I'm a suave, witty, brilliant, good-looking scientist. I am everything Asimov thought he was. 

Stock Asimov Character #2 

I am the same, except the opposite sex. 

Stock Asimov Character #1 

Great! Let's do some science stuff, save the world, and make out. 

(They do.)

Review: The World According to Clarkson

The World According to Clarkson by Jeremy Clarkson (2004)

Jeremy Clarkson's columns fall into two categories:  The car-centric ones, which are very entertaining, but a hard slog because you need to be up on every obscure marque of the past half century; and his non-automotive ones, which are a much faster read.  This collection of Clarkson's columns from 2001 to 2004 introduces us to his views on town centres (determined to drive out motor cars at the expense of everything else), holidays (mind-numbing periods of boredom destined to cause household destruction), Concorde (the last great thing that Britain produced), and gardening (proof that middle age has arrived).  In between we're treated to Clarkson's war with a fox, the time he unsuccessfully participated in an army assault, and why juries are scarier than criminals.

Clarkson's appeal lies in a light, humourous style matched with an outspoken attitude that regards political correctness as a challenge.  Despite having very definite opinions, he also has a wide streak of self-deprecation that makes for a good leavening.  The fast pace of his style is also helped by the public persona that he's cultivated over the past thirty years that allows him to voice his views as that of a bewildered, ham-fisted petrol head, though if you listen carefully sometimes the mask slips and a much more thoughtful and widely read man is revealed who simply never bought into the media heard instinct.

Be that as it may, stay well clear if he ever decides to take out a fox with a shot gun.

How to avoid writer's block

Apparently, the way to cure writer's block is to think of it as talker's block:

No one ever gets talker's block. No one wakes up in the morning, discovers he has nothing to say and sits quietly, for days or weeks, until the muse hits, until the moment is right, until all the craziness in his life has died down.

I understand where this is going, but if you think there's no such thing as talker's block, you've never seen one of my students give a presentation.

Review: Feet of Clay

Feet of Clay by Terry Pratchett (1996)

Commander Sir Sam Vimes has a problem.  His wife Sybil insists that he go to the Ankh-Morpork Royal College of Heralds and get himself a coat of arms drawn up.  Oh, and two people have been found murdered with the only clue a small lump of white clay found at the scene of each crime and someone is trying to poison Lord Vetenari.  The Assassins Guild denies any involvement, so there is a freelance killer loose in the city.

It's a toss up which he thinks is worse.

I have a particular fondness for the Commander Vimes stories.  Because they tend to be mysteries, almost whodunnits and thrillers in some cases, they are much more tightly plotted than Pratchett's other Discworld novels and I've always found Commander Vimes a real treat of a character.  As the dedicated beat cop promoted to suit his abilities, but way above his preferences,  He's a marvellous combination of weariness, frustration, anger, stubbornness, anger, suspicion, anger, resourcefulness, anger and anger.  He's also a wonderfully stable centre for the Watch, a police force that includes trolls, dwarves of both (albeit indistinguishable sexes), werewolves, humans and Corporal Nobby Nobbs, who has a letter that states that, appearances to the contrary, he's human, too.

Feet of Clay twists with all manner of subplots that eventually tie up nicely and the climax highlighted by Pratchetts comic imagination and talent for a neat turn of phrase.  Only Pratchett could come up with a rat catcher who meets his quarry face to face (well, forehead to forehead) and can make proper characters out of walking lumps of clay.

The only sad part about Feet of Clay is that it shows how the world has changed since he wrote it back in 1996.  Then, his satirical city of Ankh Morpork was a wonderfully twisted version of a modern Britain trying to  cope with immigrants.  There may have been dwarfs, vampires, zombies, gnomes and golems moving into the city, but they were all hard working and, aside from the odd riot, wanting to get on with their lives.  Unfortunately, in a modern Britain where immigration has become colonisation and includes a sizeable faction of fanatics who despise their host country and actively work to overthrow it, that happy image seems as hard to see in our world as one that rests on the back of a giant turtle.

"Stephen King" interview

Jonathan Miller interview

Blog to sell

More stages here.

If your book gets published, you must help sell it.  If you've self-published your book, you really need to sell it.  One way of doing this is through a blog.

Here are some tips on how to get started.

Write

Metropolis

The book tour

Yearning for the day when your novel is published?  Be careful what you wish for.

Very careful.